I’m learning about some relevant case law to gain some insight into the world of “the legal.” If you’ve ever read case notes or case summaries you probably know that this shit is hard to read! I’m sitting here, one tab open to a legal dictionary, another tab with my article on it, selecting individual sentences and reading them over, and over, and over again, trying to get the words to stop sticking to the sides of my brain, like rogue cheerios in a cereal bowl.
So i’ve started taking notes, putting the case in some conversational tone. And the shit is funny. Here’s an example of one case:
Plaintiff: hey, you can’t allow them to download our shit off your website. Suit!
Defendant: dismiss this claim, cuz, like, lack of personal jurisdiction or something.
Court: we grant you: a period of discovery and order mr website owner to produce third party computer severs that host the website and contain user records for jurisdictional discovery purposes.
E-forensic guy: OMG, they deleted loads of shit from their servers. lol! I was able to restore just some lil’ bits ^-^
Defendant: WTF!? You can’t do that. Sir, uhm, mr court sir, that shit is whack… your honor.
Court: Ok, so you deleted some shit? Is that correct sir? Cuz if it is, which, don’t even answer, we know it is, that implies you had some shit to hide; proverbial ‘dirty undies’ or somesuch what-have-you and all that. So that’s a strike against you. And the “lil’ bits ^-^” that E-forensic guy was able to recover is sufficient to prove you do have personal jurisdiction or something over this site. Also, some dude testified that he downloaded the stuff from your site. Plaintiff, we grant you the right to file appropriate motions for sanctions in the futures. lol!
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Funny, right? Methinks yes.
