There’s a saying about comedians, something about how they become funny people because they’re afraid of others laughing at them, so they spend their lives controlling when and where those laughs happen.
There’s underlying fears we’re really afraid of. These fears aren’t easy to talk about, they’re actually scary. They’re raw fears, like the fear of a lost 4 year old who really believes he’ll never see mom again.
My fears are like rudders – they point me this way or that way in life under the surface of my consciousness. They’re what makes option X “impossible” or what keeps option Y from ever crossing my mind.
For that reason, we’d do well to explore our fears.
They really are raw beasts, these fears. They really are dangerous and strong and hard to find. They’ll beat you in a fight.
So, where do you want to control the laughter? Notice what you fear.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I think, I’m not sure, but i think these are some of my rudders:
- They won’t like me
- I’m not valuable
- I’m ignorant, a fool for not knowing
- I’ll never get better
These are different than the “i’m afraid I won’t be able to support my family” fears. These are the scary ones I think.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
For me the fear always comes back to not being loved or accepted… naturally. (as in “makes sense” as opposed to being loved outdoors)
Not until I worked on self-acceptance and love did that fear diminish a little. It’s not there anymore… except when it is.
My self-worth was measured by how others perceived me; and still is much to this day. Which resulted in me mostly showing the outside world something different then what I was feeling on the inside. A split me, however, I identified myself mostly with what I thought I was showing others. A confident, funny, outgoing, always life of the party, having my sh!t together kind of guy. Not until years later and having worked hard on myself, did I realize, I didn’t like myself a whole lot. That’s changed now for the most part, but it’s work, but wonderful work.
I always think of Wayne Dyer (I think it was an Mp3 I had years ago… not sure) who talks about part of enlightenment is having no emotional outcome in a situation or interaction. So if I don’t have a dog in the fight, attaching my self-worth to how others perceive me, then I have less to fear.
I know today that if I feel uncomfortable, or even fearful, then I’m about to learn something about myself. I embrace it, talk about it, walk through it, find out what’s at the root (fear of not being loved). That allows me to detach from it next time in a healthy manner as opposed to just avoiding it or letting it run my decisions.
Good analogy, that they’re like rudders. Thanks!