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How vs. Why

A complex world has made us over-emphasize How-based thinking and education. Once the tools are understood, grasping why to do certain things becomes more valuable than how to do them. How is recipes, but learning a craft is more than following instructions.

How is important for new practitioners learning to avoid common mistakes. Why is for those who wish to push, are not risk-averse, and seek to improve. How is coulda, Why is shoulda. How is finishing tasks, Why is fulfilling objectives. How results in more, Why yields better.”

Frank Chimero

Timeless Advice from Frank Chimero

Our sense of time is all out of whack. When people link to older blog posts and articles, they’ll maybe call it ‘timeless’ or say some other inane thing like, ‘Old, but good!’ Two years old isn’t old! A two-year-old can’t even wipe his own ass.

Let me let you in on a little secret: if you are hearing about something old, it is almost certainly good. Why? Because nobody wants to talk about shitty old stuff, but lots of people still talk about shitty new stuff, because they are still trying to figure out if it is shitty or not. The past wasn’t better, we just forgot about all the shitty shit.”

Frank Chimero

These thoughts are good. I appreciate the way Frank pulls back the curtain, reminds me what’s behind this movie studio western town set: same old human stuff… fear, greed and the slight possibility of a connection.

Even that word “connection” is a facade: something we can say right now, something with a sense of meaning that won’t feel too cheap, but not something an actual writer would say. And not something we’ll say in anymore in 20 years.

What would Hemingway say as a replacement? Maybe he’d say, “fear, greed and the remote chance of a fuck, maybe even love.” I’m not very well read. I don’t know.

This article is good and you should read it if you’re in a self-important industry like “interactive design” or “design” or “business.” Hopefully it’ll bring a little more “fucking” and less “connecting” into your work.

The Medium Chill

There will always be a More and Better just beyond our reach, no matter how high we climb. We could always have a little more money and a few more choices. But as we see it, we don’t need to work harder to get more money to have more choices because we already made our choice. We chose our family and our friends and our place. Like any life ours comes with trade-offs, but on balance it’s a good life, we’ve already got it, and we’re damn well going to enjoy it.”

The Medium Chill

I liked this article. It put these thoughts in the right order… not too cute, not too brash.

It’s a struggle for me to walk this line between ambition — the call to a better me, a higher thing — and what we know is the stuff of happiness — being in the now, being grateful for what you have, focusing on relationships.

I struggle to not put “settling” in that last bit. It feels a bit like settling. “Settling” feels a bit like giving up.

So I like the way this guy makes The Medium Chill feel a little less like giving up.

A while ago I had an existential crisis. Like, literally in the park with my son on a shitty Portland day while I recorded an audio note about how nothing matters and I should just become a janitor and stop trying so hard.

I thought through the muck and landed on this as my new mandate: make some people’s lives better in small but meaningful ways.

That’s my medium chill mandate.

Settling for average

Except, of course, there is. Somehow, what troubles people isn’t so much being average as settling for it. Everyone knows that averageness is, for most of us, our fate. And in certain matters—looks, money, tennis—we would do well to accept this. But in your surgeon, your child’s pediatrician, your police department, your local high school? When the stakes are our lives and the lives of our children, we expect averageness to be resisted. And so I push to make myself the best. If I’m not the best already, I believe wholeheartedly that I will be. And you expect that of me, too. Whatever the next round of numbers may say.

Atul Gawande

It’s a long read, and you won’t know what it’s about till about 75% through, but there are a number of juicy things to think about in here.

One that sticks with me is the story of the doctor who, with all the same research and tactics, does much better than his peers in treating Cystic Fibrosis. The difference was his tenacity, all-in-ness, dedication to seeing the improvement… even if it’s the difference between 99.95% and 99.5%.

Thx @genuinechris for the recommendation.

Obama’s proud face. Special moment, no matter where you land.

Obama’s proud face. Special moment, no matter where you land.

Hemingway on being alive

Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.”

Hemingway

The Focus Factor™

I recently finished a project. I worked hard on it. I’m proud of myself and my team. But the most important thing about it was surprising. Watch the video and let me explain.

The self-made man’s self-worth problem

But the manhood of the Self-Made Man was ever in doubt, tied as it was to external factors and the whims of financial success. Just as the value of a company’s stock fluctuated from day to day, so could the value of the Self-Made Man.”

Art of Manliness

Here’s one thing I’ve learned from a year at the gym: I’m strong. Doesn’t matter how much weight I can or can’t pull, I can grow, build up strength, whatever’s necessary. I’m not defective.

There’s confidence that comes with that — wisdom enough to know when it’s too much weight, confidence enough to know what I can do.

Today’s fluctuating sense of worth, whether man or woman, is danger stuff. Confidence changes the kinds of thoughts you have.

Do you feel confident?

How to mindfulness meditation

Here’s my guide to getting started with the mindfullness meditation stuff. These aren’t precepts handed down on stone tablets; just some roadblocks I’ve had to navigate.

1. Don’t tell anyone about it

You’re really going to like this meditation stuff. But if you start telling people about what meditation is and how they should do it you’ll sound like a nincompoop. You might as well start wearing one of those silly Indian collar linen shirts and replacing “hello” with “I see the god in you.”

This stuff is good, and you’re going to see how powerful it is, but it’s hard to share because you’ll come off like a new-agey weirdo. So, take your time with the “have you entered down the path to true happiness??” instant messages and conversations. Trust me.

2. Mind your environment

Where you do the sitting is kind of important. It’s not going to make it, and you don’t have to let it break it, but it can muck with your gig to try to sit in a loud, uncomfortable, “people walking in and out” kind of place.

I’ve done it in unused cubicles, dark offices, bright offices. You can do it just about anywhere. You just don’t want to be interrupted when you’re doing it — it’s embarrassing, uncomfortable conversations follow, and it gets in the way of your whole “flying a carpet with Deepak” flow.

It can be hard to find a good place. Make do with what you can. If you don’t have the perfect place, don’t let that keep you from doing it real good.

3. Positive posture

You know that whole yoga thing all the girls in the pants are doing? It originally came from meditation practices. The mindfulness folks of yesteryear noticed a connection between body posture and the kind of mind you have. It’s true. So, notice and be intentional about your posture when you sit.

It’s common to sit on a pillow with legs folded indian-style. Back straight, not leaning forward or backward. Head dignified (whatever that means to you). I’ve heard the guru guys talk about an “alert” spine. I like the use of words like “alert” and “dignified” to describe posture because you’ll come up with things to do with your hands and ways to be in your sitting that are different than other folks. That’s good.

I can’t do the indian style thing; my hip somethings are way too tight (and manly). So I made a little bench (with my hands, out of wood, so manly) I can use to sit on my knees like a badass samurai when he’s just hangin’ out (can’t over-emphasize how cool and masculine I look when I meditate, you guys).

In your posture there’s a little bit of discipline — a little bit of holding together and a little bit of letting go/relaxing. I think this is an important part of the mindfulness. Probably.

Note: You could totally walk as a form of meditation. When you do so, try to focus on your breath, or your steps, or something in your body. Because the point of the whole thing is not the sitting, it’s the awareness. More on that below.

4. Time thoughts

Start with little 5-20 minute sessions. Real magic can start to happen in the longer sittings (45+ min), but it takes some digging to get used to it for that long. Seriously. You never knew you had so much to do or so much anxiety until you try to sit down and meditate for 45 minutes before you’re ready for it.

equanimity appI use an iPhone app called Equanimity. It’s pretty and you can set these little bells to chime at intervals. For example, right now my typical session is 25m with a chime every 5 minutes. I highly recommend this app.

Hell, you could start with 20 seconds a few times a day. When you wake up take 3 deep breaths before you get out of bed. Every red light, 3 deep breaths. Before every meal, 3. This is a good way to take a second, notice where you are, notice what’s in your body, be aware, grateful, etc. Again, it’s about the awareness, not the practice itself. The discipline serves the awareness, not the other way around. {chops an hundred wood boards in half}.

5. Come back to your breath

Ok, so the mindfullness thing is really about one thing: being aware. Being aware of right now. Not being caught up in some fantasy about the future or past. This is the goal. It sounds simple, but it’s effective.

A good way to get this awareness is to focus on something. The thing your focusing on acts like an anchor, it shows you when your mind wanders off. You could focus on a rock or a picture or something, but we have a built in thing to focus on that’s better than that: our breath.

Focusing on your breath means paying attention to how it feels. Where do you most feel your breath? For me it’s at the back of my sinus; cold air, movement. That’s where I start. You might be in your belly or just below your nostrils or somewhere else. That’s your first step: notice where you feel your breath.

Once you find where you feel your breath, hang out there for a bit. Try not to let your mind wander from that. Notice what it feels like. In and out. In and out.

Your mind will wander, start dreaming something up, shuffling through to-do items, etc. Notice it, call a thought a thought, don’t judge, don’t be harsh to yourself, acknowledge it and come back to your breath.

When you focus on the breath it becomes easy to see when you’re not focused on the breath. You see the mind at work. You start to become aware of thinking rather than caught up in it. You can become more of the captain, aware of what currents and tides and winds are at work, rather than the ship being tossed around on the sea.

Each session is a workout; you’re training your mind little by little. You get the immediate benefit of relaxation (this stuff is very relaxing), but the big benefit is it’s shaping how you think and how you live, making you less likely to miss that cue from your wife or that moment with your son or that weakness in your latest business idea, or prone to anxiety about x or y. Little by little, sitting by sitting your mind is getting better, more in tune with your body and your you and reality and now I sound like I’m wearing Deepak’s scarf again.

6. Get some guides

I have been literally making all this up as I go. But I’ve had some help from some guides. I’m only going to share one so you can get straight into it without any lollygagging.

You can download that and keep it as an audiobook on your iPhone. I listened to this every once in a while for the first year. You can listen to it every time you sit or switch off and be your own boss for a session or two. It’s up to you.

This guided thing is really helpful. And Gil’s adorable. It’s nice to have him reminding you to come back to your breath. When your self talk sounds a bit less like the screaming sergeant from Full Metal Jacket and a little more like Gil you know you’re on to something.

Closing thoughts

It’s not as easy as getting into Breaking Bad but it’s worth it. Caveman didn’t need to do the sitting thing to be aware of what the hell was going on. Fuck it, fight it, run from it, feed on it. Modern man is losing the war to lite beer because we’re so far out of touch. I’m glad I got a copy of Deepak’s scarf to throw on every now and again. Makes me feel fabulous.

  1. Find a good place for a short amount of time (5-15 min).
  2. Pick a good posture (sitting, knees, lying down, or walking).
  3. Focus on your breath (listen to that guided meditation).
  4. Don’t tell your friends or they’ll lose respect for you.

A story you believe in

13 assassins ready to die

We will do our best work when we can ply our trade along the arc of a story we believe in. If you can work your craft towards a “greater cause” your work will be greater.

I’ve been digging and spinning and circling and trying to find a story I believe in that I can put my back behind for the next 20 years.

To be sure, when Jesus and I broke up it took the wind out of the “this way for the rest of my life” sails. (I called him the other day, BTW, just to catch up. He still laughs at my jokes. We’ll see.) It was nice to have a default answer.

So I had to go back to digging and thinking and spinning and circling and trying… I think I’ve got something now. And it’s changing how I work. Focused.

You may not be freeing people groups from slavery or assassinating sadistic dictators but there are “greater causes” all over the place, sometimes just lying around.

Sidebar: do the work to land on a true and somewhat specific story. It’s essential that you believe in it and very helpful that it’s small-ish. Look for a villain, a Hitler, a darkness, an evil, an injustice. Something close to your heart. There are hundreds. Pick one.

A true player

A true player indeed. Screenshot from 13 Assassins.